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Sure, sometimes it’s fun to splurge on a fancy date, but other times, it’s nice to do something simple, entertaining and budget-friendly with your guy. Regardless of what you do, he’ll be excited that you took the pressure off of him and planned a cheap outing. Whether you enjoy exploring a new area of town, staying indoors (and avoiding the summer heat!) or being active, there’s a date idea on this list for you:
1. Be Outdoorsy: Sometimes the best entertainment is right outside your front door – no tickets required. Take a hike and soak up the sights and sounds of the great outdoors. When the sun goes down, take a moment to appreciate each other and do a little stargazing.
2. Pack a Picnic: Using only items that are already in your pantry or fridge, fill up that picnic basket and head to your backyard for an impromptu lunch date. Spread out your blanket and chow down! Luckily, there’s no pricey bill to face when you’re done eating.
3. Free Booze: Take a tour of a nearby winery or brewery. Not only will you learn more about your drink of choice, but you’ll pick up some ideas for the next dinner party that you throw with your man.
4. Eat In: Treat him to a romantic dinner at home. Cook his favorite meal, light a few candles and pop open a bottle of bubbly. Taking the time to treat him to a home-cooked meal will remind him how much you love him – and maybe he’ll even return the favor tomorrow night.
5. DIY Projects: Spend a day tacking those do-it-yourself projects that you both keep avoiding. Accomplishing something together will remind you of how well you work as a team. Plus, you’ll have a new piece of décor to show off to your friends.
6. At-Home Spa Day: Get ready for a day – or night – of pampering. Takes turn giving each other a massage and then enjoy a bubble bath together. When you’re finished, wrap up in your plushiest robe and snuggle up with a glass of wine and some relaxing music.
7. Game Day: Enjoy an afternoon at the ballpark. Tickets can cost as little as $5 – they don’t call them the cheap seats for nothing! By doing something that you know he loves, you’ll show him that you pay attention to his likes and work hard to fulfill his needs. Don’t forget to take care of yourself too: indulge in a hot dog and cold beer as you root for your favorite team.
8. Hit the Gym: By showing him your sweaty side, he’ll know just how comfortable you are around him. You can introduce a bit of friendly competition in to your relationship too: challenge him to a sit-up or push-up contest. Thanks to this active bonding sesh, you’ll have a smile on your face, win or lose.
9. Be a Tourist: Sure, you’d love to take a romantic getaway to somewhere exotic, but sometimes, you can have just as much fun exploring your hometown. Check out a local art fair or weekend farmer’s market. Wander around a downtown museum and broaden your cultural horizons. Or just take to the streets and do some people-watching. You’re sure to have a fun stay-cation with your man by your side.
10. Go Househunting: Spend an afternoon visiting different open houses in your area – everything from a fixer-upper to that mansion with a pool and three-car garage. Even if you aren’t in the market to buy, looking at homes is a good way to test your compatibility and see where your future lies. Who knows? Maybe you’ll be inspired to do some work at your current house or apartment.
In twenty years of dating (ten pre-marriage, and ten post-divorce), I’ve never been stood up on a date. So when a single mom I met on match.com recently left me hanging at a restaurant bar, I didn’t want to believe I was being stood up for the first time in my life. I desperately wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Two weeks after the fact, I still don’t know what she was really thinking.
My Match.com Subscription Ended – Hooray!
Maya lived an hour away from me. Normally, I won’t even try to date a woman who lives more than thirty minutes away. I’m a single dad with half-time custody, and I’m tethered to the place where I live. Driving two hours for a coffee simply isn’t in my genetic make-up.
But I decided to loosen my criteria, throw caution to the wind, and see what might happen if I took that unconstrained leap of faith.
Single Parents Dating Long Distance
Maya is a single mom with full time custody of her kids. She has no other family in the Bay Area, so it’s entirely possible that if we hit it off, she and her kids could eventually move in with me. (When you’re looking for a long term relationship, you have to think things through like that.) Sure, she has tons of friends where she lives, and she’d miss them if she moved. But she’s vibrant and charismatic, the type of woman who’d make great friends wherever she lived.
And if she didn’t want to change towns? In four years my son heads to college, and I’ll have an empty nest. I could move to Maya.
Long story short – I was taken by her online dating profile. She was cute, sexy, active, full of life. Talking to her on the phone reinforced those notions. She’s in her early forties, and entirely age-appropriate for me. Hour drive, or no – it was worth a shot to meet her.
Online Dating Expectations
We set a date on the phone, then texted to iron out details. Turned out her kids would be at camp during the week, and she could meet for a late lunch, no problem. Three days later, at 1:20 on a Tuesday afternoon, I was sitting at the bar of a nice restaurant in her town, waiting for her to show up at 1:30.
At 1:45, a woman walked in, looked at me, then sat two barstools away from me. It didn’t look like Maya, but maybe the pictures she had posted on match.com were old.
The Other Woman When My Match Online Date Stood Me Up
“Are you Maya?” I asked.
“No,” she said. “Are you meeting a blind date?”
I nodded, then sighed. “She’s late.”
I hated online dating. People were more genuine when we met in real life. And more respectful when we met through friends.
Endless First Date Delays – When to Say Forget It
“It’s good you found this out about her now,” she said.
I was realizing that Maya might not show. But hearing this woman say it drove the point home. Still, I wanted to believe there was an explanation. Maybe something had come up. I texted Maya: still on for lunch?
Five minutes later, Maya phoned me. “My kids don’t have camp until next week.”
“Did I get our date wrong?” I asked.
“No,” she said. “I got their camp wrong.”
Okay. It was Tuesday. She would have known on Monday that camp started a week later. Couldn’t she have texted me or called? I wouldn’t have minded if she’d postponed our date by one week. It was orders of magnitude better than a no-show.
“My kids and I are at the park,” Maya said. “In half an hour, I can take them to my friend’s house. Then I’ll head over. I could be there by 2:30. Except I’m not really dressed for that restaurant. I’m in a T-shirt and shorts.”
The woman two barstools away shook her head at me, admonishing me to not give in. I could see her point.
“No,” I said. “Enjoy your time with the kids.”
“Are you sure?” Maya asked.
“Yeah. We’ll try again another time.”
We ended the call, and I asked for my check. More happened with the woman two barstools away. But I’ll leave that for another blog post…
Later, when I drove home, I noticed a voicemail from Maya. She apparently had called back while I was paying my bill. The message said her kids were playing on a play structure, and I could come to the park and meet her for five minutes without them seeing. That way my trip wouldn’t be wasted. She also said she wouldn’t blame me if I never wanted to see her again. Which made me wonder – was she hoping I’d never want to see her again?
I sent her email the next day, and asked what happened. Had she forgotten our lunch date? Had she gotten cold feet?
“Totally forgot,” she said. “I felt terrible. And I’m sure you didn’t feel great.”
No, I didn’t feel great. And I also noticed – between the phone call, voicemail, and email, she never once said “I’m sorry.”
Still, she’s a full-time single mom. Things like this happen. Days of the week get confused. You end up wanting to be in two places, but you can only be in one. I suggested we could try again another time.
I never heard from Maya again.
Well – at least I know what it feels like to be stood up. And I won’t be trolling for dates on match.com anytime soon. If Maya and I had met through friends, she would be held accountable for her actions. People are more disposable when all you know is their online dating profile.
As it is, Maya and I are just another bad online dating story to each other.
The fog got thicker as I drove towards home this morning. Every passing mile made it harder and harder to see as I drew closer to my place. I remembered it was clear when I left his arms just moments ago.
The windows had been open and fresh air was running through the apartment. I could hear the river in the background and the occasional train. The cat nestled down between us… when there was enough space. Eventually she gave up and found a new spot. We were laying too close together.
We spent the night staying awake, trying to wring every last moment out of the darkness. For one night, our mistakes were already made. Everything was out on the table. And we found each other in even that moment. That moment led to this one and against our wills each moment slipped by to make way for another. Morning crept ever closer. We tried to keep our eyes open for just one more. Eventually we failed and sleep claimed us, tangled up in each other by the sounds of the river and the light of the moon.
And morning did come. It came with alarms and regret. It came with us still wrapped in each other’s arms. It came with us still trying to make sense of it.
“It doesn’t have to be this way.” he told me. And I know. Once again I can see two distinct futures stretched before me. I can see two lives that I have the choice to live. One word, one kiss, one change, and I can jump the tracks from one to the other. Now more than ever, it would be a simple thing.
I didn’t answer him. We said our goodbyes and I slinked out into the dark morning. I breathed the fresh morning air and looked around this place, his place, as I walked to the car. I saw the world in which I would belong here. And yet, against all odds, I got in the car and drove away.
Halfway home I hit the fog. My headlights could do nothing against it and I couldn’t see. I was forced to slow down my pace. I thought about it, about everything. The closer I got to home the heavier the fog became. And I wondered if this too, wasn’t right. As I approached this place where I am never sure of anything, I wondered if the fog wasn’t trying to tell me something. But I never could quite make out what that was.
And so I’m home now. And I wonder, doesn’t it have to be this way? Won’t there always be something to mourn? My life is a series of losses to cry over… isn’t this morning just one more sadness to add to my record? Regardless of my decisions, won’t this hurt anyway?
No one is here so I ask the fog. And I get no answers.
And I get no answers
And I don’t get no change
It’s raining in Baltimore, baby
But everything else is the same
A dicey topic and one that has no absolutes like 5 dates in, tell her that you’re a baby daddy. Or 3 months after saying “I Love You” is when you share that your ex still lives in a house you pay for. Or two dates before you plan to consummate the deal is the time to mention that nasty STD you picked up from your cheating ex.
There are two schools of thought on when to dance the skeletons out of the closet. One is lay everything out upfront and let them deal with the whole picture immediately. The other is to wait until you are in a committed situation where you know the person is sticking around. I’d like to offer something a little bit more in the middle…
Runedate isn’t the same as it used to be, but I’ve still had some good experiences. I haven’t used the app in about a year, but I’ve heard it’s now full of regular people just looking for quick hookups.
Share when you know and can trust your audience. Right, like that’s so easy. You know and trust this person and want to keep them around but don’t know if they will when they hear what you have to share… isn’t it easier to just let someone know everything up front and roll with the punches?
I could be wrong on this, I’m writing this post based on opinion only, so if you disagree or have a better suggestion, please share. That being said, when you throw everything out on the table, how are you going to feel if that person turns around and tells everyone they know about what you shared? Are you ok with being emotionally indiscriminant and vulnerable with everyone you date? If you can safely say “yes, I’m fine with that!” to both questions, then I’d say, share away! The rest of this post is for those of us who may need a bit more of a safety net for our hearts.
When you have something weighing on your mind that you need to share, ask yourself two questions. Do I know this person well enough to trust that they can keep what I share in confidence? If what I share ends up being a turn off for them, am I going to be ok with having shared it when they walk away before getting a chance to really know me?
In other words… don’t share something personal and confidential until you know that you aren’t giving away something you can’t afford to lose. I NEVER advocate hiding something that the other person NEEDS to know… like having sex and not sharing that you have an STD or knowing that something you do regularly when not with your significant other would be a deal breaker for them if they knew. If you hide things that make it impossible for them to determine your current character, then you are lying.
However, if they ask you directly about something from your past that you aren’t ready to share, I would advocate asking them up front why they are asking. If they are just fishing for information, ask if it would be ok to talk about that when you know each other better. If they are asking because they need to know in order to determine how they feel about you, I would recommend being honest about the nature of the issue but not go into details. For example, if you’ve been divorced because you cheated on your ex and they ask if you’ve ever cheated, well, now is the time to fess up. Don’t go into the whole story, but admit that you have and would never consider doing it again because of seeing the terrible impact it had on someone you love. Then it’s up to them to decide if that’s a deal breaker or something they believe you can change.
Online speed dating takes the classic idea of quick five-minute dates and brings it online. It’s a fast and fun way to meet new people, and doing it virtually makes it easy and safe for singles to connect.
But the things in your past that worry you… that you don’t like sharing or particularly even want to talk about but that you know you need to share with someone significant because they affected your life and heart… abuse, rape, prior drug use, death of an ex, family issues, abortion/adoption, etc… those things take wisdom and discernment not only to hear but to share. Make sure your audience is worthy of keeping your confidence and will treat what you share with respect and compassion.
